7 WTF Trump Businesses You Never Knew About

Recently, it was revealed that the entire Trump Organization had lost 90 percent of the value it had in 2010. 90 percent. If you lose 90 percent of anything, you shouldn’t be allowed to say you still have it — which, in Trump’s case, is “worth.” But this roller coaster of resources is nothing new. If there’s anything the Trump brand has been consistently known for, it’s failure. You probably know about Trump Steaks, Trump University, Trump Casinos, and Trump the President, but there are so many other business-shaped skeletons in his closet that he has to stack them on top of the bankruptcy papers he also hides in there. For example, did you hear about …

7

Trump Takeover, aka “Toon Trump”

Donald Trump has always had a cartoonish quality about him, like a Daddy Warbucks who won’t accept that he’s bald and accuses objectively innocent black teenagers of rape. So it’s strange that Trump doesn’t have a small-screen representation of himself running around and causing mischief. But that isn’t for lack of trying.

The Trump OrganizationThe tie-in action figure had “real pussy-grip action!”

Trump Takeover would have been an animated series focused on Trump fighting for truth, justice, and social causes — a social justice warrior, if you will. With help from his Apprentice cronies, Trump would take over an ailing part of society in crisis and fix whatever is plaguing it. For example, “Strike 3 … You’re Fired” takes places in an America, where MLB is on a “downward slide to oblivion” and Donny has to make sure the players are up and ready.

The Trump Organization“Is that fucking guy kneeling?!” *shits himself in anger*

Another episode, “Taking Stock Of The Market,” sees Trump and friends take over the world economy in order to halt the evil machinations of a “nefarious global financial conspiracy,” with a script which no doubt had a lot of triple parentheses around certain characters’ names.

The Trump Organization

Eventually, in the depressingly prescient “Politically Corrected” episode, Trump would have had to take over the United States (in a “state of virtual collapse,” no less) and fix all of its problems, presumably by retweeting hate speech and making war widows cry.

The Trump OrganizationPictured: more people than at his actual inauguration.

The closest this series ever came to airing was when some studio exec presumably threw the storyboards across the room in disgust. Artwork was drawn and episodes were drafted (including a bizarre romp involving aliens attacking NYC), but the project folded due to an overwhelming lack of interest. Times have changed, however, and with Stephen Colbert threatening to create a Trump cartoon, one of the bigwigs behind Trump Takeover recently said that they wouldn’t mind a second crack at the title. But it’s hard to see how the man itself could find the time to be involved, now that he spends all of his time getting publicly owned by the shadow government.

6

Trump Shuttle, aka “Falling With Style!”

In October 1988, Donald Jagerbomb Trump, sick of flying private like a prole, decided to treat himself and buy an airline. He acquired Eastern Air Shuttle, a struggling New York company which provided daily flights for high-powered businessmen — and Trump. Wanting to own everything that screamed “New York” and “failing,” he bought the airline, renamed it “Trump Shuttle,” and immediately broke the two cardinal rules of the airline industry: He kept telling people other airlines were dangerous, then made his own planes more dangerous.

During the Trump Shuttle launch party in 1989, Trump, like any gracious host, started out by badmouthing the competition. In a jumbled rant, he told reporters that Pan Am (his closest competitor) was a danger to life, limb, and luggage, saying, “I wouldn’t fly them; they’re losing money and their planes are old.” Unfortunately for Trump, a man who couldn’t even strong-arm a baby for their candy, the airline business runs a little like the Mob. You don’t start saying that other airlines are dangerous, or else you’ll wake up with a propeller in your bed. Sure enough, three months later, a Trump Shuttle flying into Boston encountered mechanical problems and nearly crashed into the runaway, saved by the skills of the pilot.

The Boston Globe“It was the most beautiful landing you’ve ever seen” — Donald Trump, who never learned how to respond appropriately to disasters

Not that Pan Am had anything to do with that. Trump was more than capable of sabotaging himself. The cause of the crash was a problem with the landing gear, but we’d like to think the plane was struggling under the weight of all of Trump’s modifications. After taking over, he redesigned the interior of his planes according to his, for lack of a better word, taste, installing everything from thick carpeting and leather seats to faux marble sinks and veneer paneling. The in-flight service was also expanded to include a three-drink service and a gourmet breakfast/lunch, which was incredibly difficult for the stewardesses to serve in the average time of each flight (approximately 45 minutes). Oh, and because it wouldn’t be a Trump thing if it wasn’t creepy to women, he also redesigned the stewardesses’ outfits to show more cleavage. Overstuffed and sexist — now you’re flying with Trump!

Apparently, Trump wanted his airline to have “the look of old money,” and to his credit, that was the only money the airline ever saw. With the costs of his amendments, the competitiveness of the service, and the reputation damage caused by the crash, Trump Shuttle lost $128 million within 18 months. It took two and a half years before Trump was forced to give up the airline because holy shit he sucked, after which it was bought out by U.S. Airways, who scrubbed their new planes so thoroughly of any and all evidence pertaining to Trump that you’d think they’d been the scene of a wood chipper massacre.

Pam Berry/The Boston GlobeWhich is, incidentally, how economists refer to Trump.

5

Trump Mortgage, aka “So Long, Suckers!”

As you’re now well aware, Donald Jesus Trump is one of the kindliest, caringliest, yugest humanitarians to ever grace the planet. So wonderful. The best. So when he launched Trump Mortgage LLC in 2006, no one had any doubt that Trump would run a tight, clean ship that would help millions of American homeowners with their mortgages, giving them the white picket fence future they deserved. MAGA.

Just in case anyone from r/TheDonald was thinking we’d genuinely changed our minds, Trump is a grasping, slimy mattress filled with pocket change stolen from charity wishing wells, and it’s little surprise that the business ethos of Trump Mortgage reflected this in every single way. Instead of doling out money to mortgage-needers, Trump Mortgage was in fact a brokerage firm that did nothing, owned nothing, needed to take zero risks, and only existed as a way to con money from struggling families and business owners. Business was so good that Trump and Trump Mortgage CEO E.J. Ridings threw lavish parties, plastered their faces everywhere, and even bragged to the press about how “the real estate market is going to be very strong for a long time to come.”

They did this in 2006.

Even as Trump was spouting off about his mega-bigly knowledge of the mortgage markets, experts were warning him of the upcoming troubles and advising him to steer clear, or to at the very least stop spending all of their money on office parties and hookers. Did he listen? Please. He wouldn’t hear a single word of complaint, citing his elite education at Wharton Academy (Go, Fighting Warts!) as proof that he, and only he, could survive any financial typhoon.

Within 18 months of opening its doors, Trump Mortgage was forced to close, leaving a wealth of unpaid bills, rafters of people cheated out of their homes, and zero chance that this failure would force some introspection on Trump’s part. In subsequent interviews, Trump laid the blame for the failure at the feet of everyone but himself — his executives, the financial climate, those damn homeowners having more foresight than him. He even went so far as to suggest that he was forced into this scheme, saying that the mortgage business wasn’t one that he “particularly liked or wanted to be part of in a very big way.” We’re sure the feeling was mutual.

4

FundAnything, aka “Beg, Peasants, Beg!”

If you needed an indication of how Il Douche was going to behave as president, you wouldn’t have to time travel for a preview. Simply cast your mind back to 2013, when Trump launched FundAnything, his attempt at becoming the dominant crowdfunding platform on the internet. The signs were all there. He promised to take back crowdfunding from the elites, reinvigorate the world using his mad deal-making skills, and to donate a shitload of time and money making things better for everyone.

The Trump OrganizationSpoiler: He didn’t

FundAnything was a collaboration between Trump and Bill Zanker, who ghostwrote the seminal masterpiece Think Big And Kick Ass In Business And Life. FundAnything wasn’t a revolutionary concept, of course. Sites like Kickstarter and Indiegogo were already dominating the field. So how did they try to stand out? Well, as they put it, “[crowdfunding] got traction with creatives and tech, but you go anywhere but the coasts and they don’t get it yet,” which is either calling the Midwest stupid or claiming that they don’t have the internet yet in Iowa. And how did FundAnything seek to wrest crowdfunding away from the rich coastal elites? By charging the highest fees of any crowdfunding site. Vive la resistance!

The other draw, of course, was Donald Julius Trump himself. When the site launched, Trump promised to regularly promote campaigns on his Twitter and to regularly donate, like a modern-day Medici. And he did! Trump donated $92,000 to various campaigns — of which a significant cut went back to Trump himself. He tweeted about FundAnything a whopping 27 times in eight months — 21 of which were about campaigns by Penn Jillette and Adam Carolla, who were also conveniently appearing on Celebrity Apprentice. Were they members of the downtrodden underclass who can’t sign up for Indiegogo?

Penn JilletteWe know that the Jill-Jet is really weird, but he’s probably got saner ideas.

The launch of FundAnything also gave Trump the chance to hold another of his famously modest launch events. He brought various people in varying states of financial hardship and prompted them to beg for his cash by saying, and this is verbatim, “Do you need money? What’s your problem?” He then chose the “best” ten and retreated to a nearby balcony as the assembled masses scooped money out of a tank while he watched / jerked off.

Barely a year later, Trump shut down FundAnything, saying that it “took too much of my time and too much time to raise the money.” We just hope some people who did get some saved their money. It’ll be useful when their healthcare disappears.

3

Tour de Trump, aka “Make American Cycling Great Again!”

Maybe Trump’s right. Maybe America isn’t that great after all. We’re failing at everything, from the little things like education and healthcare to big stuff like not making good Transformers movies anymore. And when was the last time America hosted a good cycling tournament? Man, ending segregation really ruined everything.

In the 1980s, however, one bald visionary had a plan to get America into cycling again. The Tour de Trump was going to be a ten-stage cycling tournament stretching all the way from Albany to Atlantic City. The winner would receive $75,000 — a fair price for having to go to Atlantic City. When journalists questioned Trump about why he’d named the competition after himself and not the region, his response was “We could, if we wanted to have a less successful race.” That’s right, Donald Jompers Trump — the guy who thinks exercise is a liberal plot to steal his precious bodily fluids — thought he was the main draw for the fitness crowd.

Despite the terrible name, the race proved pretty popular in the cycling community. Between the convenient schedule (wedged between the Giro and the Tour de France) and the eye-catching mountain of cash up for grabs, many high-ranking cycling teams signed up to race on the roads of lesser New York. There was no way that even Trump could fuck this up … except for having a massive mountain of debt. Unable to both pay the prize money and convince the IRS he had any money left to give them, Trump dropped the tour after only two years.

2

Trump Magazine, aka “Look At Me!”

Once upon a time, Trump Magazine was a shining jewel in the crown of the magazine industry. The amazing, albeit-short lived highbrow comedy ‘zine featured contributions from legendary comedians de rigeur, including Harvey Kurtzman, Mel Brooks, and Jack Davis. And even though it folded only after one year, it is still widely regarded as a benchmark for style, substance, and wit.

Of course, Donald Trump had nothing to do with Trump. If it had, it would’ve been a pile of shit, like all the rest of his schlubby, awful publications.

The Trump OrganizationAlthough we know one person who found this sexy.

Between 1997 and 2009, Trump made four attempts at breaking into the world of print: Trump Style, Trump World, Trump World II: Red, White, And Blonde, and Trump Magazine. Like a shitty in-flight magazine, Trump Style was distributed around his condos and hotels from 1997 to 2002. Inside, there were countless photos of Trump and his then-wife Marla Marples, horoscopes, news about his burgeoning casino empire, and plugs for the place you were already richly dumb enough for staying in. In other words, they were advertisements for places that already had Trump’s name on the building and his smug candle wax face in every lobby. Very stylish, indeed.

The content of Trump World (which folded after two editions) and Trump Magazine wasn’t much different: one-third scintillating interviews with Trump and the trio of haunted ventriloquist dolls he calls children, and two-thirds glossy advertisements for personal canoes, luxury pocket squares, and diamond-studded gaming consoles to pay for it.

In the end, this mighty publishing dynasty was brought down by the same problem that destroys every business owned by a self-proclaimed billionaire: cash flow problems. Trump World had lost $3 million and almost bankrupted the publisher. When it regenerated into Trump Magazine, it lost a further $7 million, a shock to those people who’d heard Trump literally weeks beforehand say that they were “taking it to the next level,” not knowing that he was talking about the bankruptcies.

1

Trump World Studios, aka “The Hollywood Of Florida!”

Have you ever noticed that Donald Jennifer Trump has a really weird relationship with Hollywood? He spends half of his time riling up his base up about their eliteness, then spends the other half jumping up and down trying to get their attention. And there’s no better signal of his toadying than the decades he spent cameo-ing in every movie he possibly could, to the extent that giving him a cameo was contractually obliged if you wanted to shoot in any of his properties.

So how do you become movie-famous while hating the guts of the movie industry? You make your own studio, with blackjack and Russian hookers. In 2012, Trump started plans to create Trump World Studios, Florida. TWS would have an 800-acre lot, comprised of 15 backlots and studio space totaling a million square feet, alongside a housing complex for employees and his beloved celebrities, restaurants, stores, and a public plaza. If it had been built, Trump World Studios would have been the largest film studio in the country, and Trump could’ve slipped into his new role as the Tangerine Walt Disney.

The Trump Organization

The Trump OrganizationAnd if he had actually paid his artists, you would be able to see those in the design plans.

When someone looked into the 800 acres that Trump wanted, they found that he’d earmarked spaces for everything from homeless assistance and public schools to parks and environmental conservation zones, all the way to the military — who have a thing about people trespassing on their grounds. The final nail in the coffin, however, was the discovery that Trump, real estate genius that he is, had earmarked land next to an air reserve base — a move equivalent to Marvel Studios deciding to shoot Infinity War inside a wind turbine. Before he could get the chance to ask if the jets could, like, be quiet when doing their takeoffs and landings, the whole thing was quietly dropped like a red-hot turd — albeit a turd that logged millions of dollars in architectural fees.

Adam Wears is on Twitter and Facebook, and has a newsletter about depressing history. It’s really good, honest.

Listen, someday we’ll have a better president, and maybe we’ll finally get a Madame President. A “The Future Is Female” shirt is still available!

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For more, check out 7 Secret (And Stupid) Rules For Working For President Trump and 6 Stupid Celebrities Who Are Secretly Business Geniuses.

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Read more: http://www.cracked.com/article_25276_7-wtf-trump-businesses-you-never-knew-about.html

California’s Hepatitis A Outbreak Is the Future Poking Us in the Face

It wasn’t just that people were getting sick—it was who. And how many.

Hepatitis A is a viral disease that primarily attacks the liver, and if it gets serious—as it can in the elderly and immune-compromised people—it can be fatal. But the graph of cases in the US over time looks like the second, fun half of a roller coaster ride. In the early 1970s, nearly 10,000 people a year got it. By the mid-1980s, the number was half that. (Wheee!) In 1996, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention started recommending vaccination, and from there it was a fast, bracing plunge to just tens of cases a year.

Then, this past summer, people started getting sick in San Diego. Just a handful at first, among those most at risk. Like HIV, hep A gets transmitted through sex and sharing needles. You can also get it through fecal-oral contact—as can happen when people don’t have access to bathrooms. In San Diego, the infected were primarily homeless, illicit drug users, and men who have sex with men. The initial handful became two handfuls, and then the curve headed upward. Now, a few months later, the toll stands at 546 cases and 20 deaths, with a confirmed spread of another several dozen in Los Angeles and Santa Cruz.

Homeless people present a particular challenge for health—but for reasons as much political as medical. When the urban infrastructure shows signs of weakness, as it has with these hep A outbreaks, it’s not just a medical tragedy. It’s a signal of a failure yet to come. If social policy doesn’t deal with America’s ongoing social and political homelessness crisis, it’s going to be an even worse public health problem later—for everyone.

San Diego and Michigan are the biggest person-to-person outbreaks of hep A since the late 1990s, when San Diego regularly saw 400 to 600 cases every year—most of them children, many without symptoms. Today’s epidemiology is vastly different. “We have had only one pediatric case, somebody who had not gotten an immunization. All of our other cases are over 25 years old, and the average age is 44,” says Eric McDonald, the medical director for San Diego County Public Health Services’ epidemiology program. The reason: San Diego has more homeless people now, McDonald says.

That made the outbreak harder to fight. In San Diego, teams of public health workers went into the field, trying to convince people to get vaccinated—it’s a two-shot series, so it requires multiple visits. They installed hand-wash stations near homeless encampments, distributed portapotties, and washed streets with bleach solution. “It’s a crisis within a crisis,” says Wilma Wooten, director of public health services for San Diego County. “The homeless situation is a crisis in San Diego, and thrown on top of that is a hepatitis A outbreak.”

It spread—to Santa Cruz, first, and then LA. First to people who’d been in one of the earlier cities, and then to people who had contact with them. And then, in LA, hep A showed up in two more homeless people who had no contacts that traced anywhere else. “And we thought, ‘Uh oh, now there’s local transmission,’” says Jeffrey Gunzenhauser, interim health officer for the Los Angeles County Department of Public Health. It was enough to declare an outbreak.

As in San Diego, LA public health teams spread out to vaccinate as many people as they could. It wasn’t easy. “Here in LA county, with 58,000 homeless and tens of thousands of others using illicit drugs, we were like, whoa, how many of them would we have to vaccinate?” Gunzenhauser says. “When we approach a homeless encampment, for every one of the individuals willing to vaccinate, two or three others are turning it down.”

The LA public health teams learned two lessons. First, homeless people are much more mobile than they knew. And second, 58,000 people without basic services is a catastrophe-in-waiting. Homeless people often have untreated medical problems, but this is a new scale. “We’ve certainly been very interested in housing as a single important determinant of health in Los Angeles county,” Gunzenhauser says, “but we haven’t thought about homelessness in terms of the threat of communicable diseases.”

Another way to think about public health solutions for the homeless in America—550,000 people on a given night, says one estimate, with another 1.5 million in shelters or other assisted housing—is as similar to the very poorest in cities around the world, living in what sociologists and urban planners call “informal settlements.” (I’m eliding the rural homeless here, which isn’t totally fair. Stick with me for a bit.)

Around the world, a billion people—much of the urban population—live in these informal settlements—the term of art used to be “slums.” Pollution, disease, and violence are all risks. When large populations of refugees arrive in a city, they often settle in peri-urban areas without services. Most of these people don’t have access to clean water, garbage collection, or a good sewer system. Very bad, right?

In the United States, those services are municipal. Cities provide them—but almost exclusively to places of residence. Water and toilets are literally behind a paywall. City planners today often think about public health in terms of greenspace and tree cover, bike paths and other alternatives to automobiles, reducing industrial pollution. All of that's great, and necessary. Yet basic infrastructure doesn’t seem like a public health measure—until it fails, in places like Flint’s water supply. But denial of service to an entire population is also a kind of failure.

It wasn’t always so. The cities of ancient Rome had public baths, toilets, and potable water. The cholera outbreak in London in 1854 that led the physician John Snow to literally create epidemiology, mapping the homes of affected people to find the source, traced back to a public well. Famously, the city removed the pump’s handle, cutting off access to the water and helping end the outbreak.

I don’t mean to get all paternal here. City people with money have always equated poverty with disease, and conflated the fear of the latter with prejudice against the former. The genius of Haussmann’s widescreen remodeling of Paris was that his sewers lowered the likelihood of disease while razing neighborhoods with narrow, winding streets lowered the likelihood of revolution. Nineteenth-century French colonial cities separated the colonizers from the colonized with a de-urbanized zone they called a cordon sanitaire because it was nominally there to prevent the spread of malaria.

Even the first zoning regulations in the United States had a (nominal, again) health rationale, stepping back the ever-higher skyscrapers of Manhattan to let light and air into the concretizing canyons. The strain of American Progressivism that comes from the noblesse oblige of the rich has to do with altruism, sure, but also a fear of contagion, as Spiro Kostoff writes in his book The City Assembled. Fear of disease, fear of revolution, fear of the poor—all these things are intertwined.

But if fear of disease serves as a spur to end homelessness, let’s go for it. Because housing and other policies seem to be pushing more and more people to the fringes, and those populations are going to be more and more vulnerable to health issues. This is happening everywhere on Earth. “It’s an increasing polarization between the two halves of society,” says Harris Ali, an environmental sociologist at York University.

It isn’t just that people are getting sick. It’s who, and how many. When people lose access to the last century’s worth of improvements to services and health care, they’re more likely to get sick. And the next outbreak might not be something people can vaccinate against.

Read more: https://www.wired.com/story/californias-hepatitis-a-outbreak-is-the-future-poking-us-in-the-face/

Trump Super PAC Gets 12-Year-Old Girl To Interview Roy Moore

A Trump-supporting super PAC arranged to have a 12-year-old girl interview Alabama Republican Senate candidate Roy Moore for a campaign video.

The girl, Millie March, is well known in the political sphere for her rampant support of Donald Trump during his 2016 campaign, even though she’s not old enough to vote. The super PAC America First Project, a pro-Trump advocacy group founded by former Breitbart staffers, arranged for March talk to Moore for the campaign spot.

“We decided that we were going to bring Millie to Alabama, after everything that’s happened in this Alabama Senate race up until this point,” says America First Project’s Jennifer Lawrence in the video’s preamble to March’s interviews with Moore and his campaign manager, Rich Hobson. Lawrence adds that the group wanted to bring March to Alabama “to show there is a wide range of people who support Roy Moore.“ 

Moore has been accused by one woman of sexual assault when she was a teenager and he was in his 30s, and numerous other women have said he pursued and sexually harassed them when they were teens.

Youtube

March opens her interview at Alabama GOP headquarters by asking Moore whether he’ll support Trump in building a wall between the United States and Mexico. 

“I think the military can be used down with the border patrol … and stop illegal aliens coming across the border,” Moore answered. He added: If we need to stop it permanently, we build the wall, and I think it would be not an inexpensive way to do it.”

March then asked what Moore believes are “the most important issues to the voters of Alabama.” He replied religious liberty, health care, and taxes.

Multiple women have come forward to accuse Moore of sexually assaulting or harassing them. Leigh Corfman told The Washington Post in November that she was 14 years old when Moore assaulted her. The allegations have led many celebrities and politicians, including some Republicans, to speak out against Moore, and the hashtag, #RightSideOfHistory, encourages voters to not elect Moore.

Moore has repeatedly denied the allegations against him. President Donald Trump, who also has been accused by multiple women of sexual assault and sexual harassment, has endorsed Moore, saying: “Roy Moore denies it. That’s all I can say.”

The special election for the Alabama Senate seat is Tuesday. 

Read more: http://www.huffingtonpost.com/entry/trump-super-pac-girl-roy-moore_us_5a2e9698e4b0a290f05255a9

An affectionate teardown of ‘Peppa Pig’ by a doctor who’s seen way too many episodes.

This British doctor’s 100% serious, completely scientific, not tongue-in-cheek-at-all analysis of “Peppa Pig’s” Dr. Brown Bear is hilarious and completely relatable for anyone who has (or has even been near) small children, who don’t annoy their parents at all when they watch the same episode about George’s woolly hat six times in a row.

“Peppa Pig” is a British children’s program about a small, anthropomorphic pig named Peppa, her family, and the community she lives in, including one Dr. Brown Bear. Who is a bear. Obviously.

Obviously. Image from RR and J/Wordpress.

In the 100%-real, scientific paper, titled “Does Peppa Pig encourage inappropriate use of primary care resources?” and published in the prestigious British Medical Journal, Dr. Catherine Bell highlights tough issues like:

  • Is it appropriate for a medically-trained bear professional to make so many house calls?
  • Should small singing pigs be allowed into surgery?
  • And how is Dr. Bear’s mental health holding up?

Meanwhile, peppered (must resist puns…) throughout are wonderful little flourishes, like:

“Peppa Pig conveys many positive public health messages… However, from (repeated, mostly involuntary) review of the subject…”

or

“Conflicts of interest: None declared. It may look like my child is sponsored by ‘Peppa Pig,’ but any claims to this effect are false.”

The paper’s only about two pages long and is a very easy read, even for a nonscientific person.

As to how it got published, the paper is part of the British Medical Journal’s annual Christmas issue. While each paper and article must still be held to scientific standards, the journal embraces the holiday spirit once a year and opens itself up to more, let’s call them “original” topics, like how nice hospital gardens are or whether the BONG-BONG-BONG of London’s Big Ben is interrupting a good night’s rest.

Bell’s paper is a delightful, cheeky, and affectionate dig at children’s programming that anyone who’s ever been near a television or a toddler can relate to and enjoy.

And, if nothing else, it’s a reminder that maybe someone should check in on poor Dr. Brown Bear.

Read more: http://www.upworthy.com/an-affectionate-teardown-of-peppa-pig-by-a-doctor-who-s-seen-way-too-many-episodes

Doctors Told Them The Baby Was Dead. On The Way To Cremation They Saw Something Move

There are few things as tragic in this world as losing a child.

The pain and anguish parents endure when faced with this kind of tragedy is something many of us will never be able to fathom. One couple in New Delhi, India thought they had lost both of their twins after one was stillborn and the other died just a few hours after birth.

Not all was as it appeared, however, and now the hospital is facing scrutiny and an investigation after one of the children was found to be alive just minutes before cremation.

The twins were born prematurely on November 30, 2017, and the girl was, in fact, stillborn. The boy was declared dead after his condition became critical and doctors stated he was “unable to survive.”

Following protocol, the doctors wrapped the bodies in plastic and released them to the family, who intended to take them to be cremated.

“However, while on way for their burial, we observed a slight movement in the packet and after opening the plastic bag, we found that the baby was breathing,” said Ashish Kumar, father of the baby, adding that they immediately rushed to a nearby nursing home.

The extended family of the child went to the hospital to protest, asking how such a thing could have happened, and calling for consequences for the doctors who declared the living child dead.

Two doctors have been fired from the New Delhi hospital, but in a statement the hospital says they do not admit to any wrongdoing. The baby boy is still in critical condition.

(via CNN and Mirror Now)

Read more: http://www.viralnova.com/cremation-mistake/

Your Period Is A Day Late. Are You Pregnant?

The female body. To have one can be terrifying. If your body is fertile, you could become filled with children at any time. If your body is infertile, you will never, ever be happy. But what happens when your body is at the strange middle ground in between?

Having your period be a day late may seem scary, but it doesn’t always mean you are pregnant. If you’d like to consult our automated medical program that specializes in feminine health, please continue!

Great! Thank you for trusting us with all of your current reproductive issues!

Our interactive feminine health program, ESTELLE, is currently being loaded…

Hello, my name is ESTELLE, and I am an automated medical program that specializes in feminine health. I was invented by a now (likely) dead gynecologist specifically to talk to women in times of extreme stress. It is very nice to meet you!

Thank you for using ESTELLE, our automated medical program that specializes in feminine health. You have chosen to exit ESTELLE. Would you be interested in answering a quick customer satisfaction survey before you leave?

Wonderful. All of your answers are totally confidential and will be used to improve your future ESTELLE experiences. So, why do you hate ESTELLE?

Thank you for telling us why you hate ESTELLE. You have now exited ESTELLE. ESTELLE is incredibly happy you visited, and we hope you come back with a pregnancy scare soon.

Goodbye!

Thank you for your feedback. You have now exited ESTELLE. If you are indeed the creator of ESTELLE, please turn yourself in to the police immediately. You are a danger to yourself and your family.

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You have now exited ESTELLE. While there is not enough information to determine whether or not you are pregnant, judging by your unwillingness to answer the customer satisfaction survey, ESTELLE sincerely hopes that you are brimming with children.

Goodbye.

I am a female resource specialist, which means that I am exactly like IBM’s Watson, except that the only information that has been loaded into me has been pulled from tampon boxes and medical pamphlets women have thrown out of their moving cars.

My only purpose is to talk to women and help them find out whether or not they are pregnant. Are you worried that you are pregnant because your period is a day late?

I understand! You have indicated that your period is a day late, but do not worry! There are many services that I would be happy to provide for you. Please glance through my MENU and select the option that would help you most during this stressful time.

What would you like to do?

You have returned to the MAIN MENU! There are many services that I would be happy to provide for you. Please select the option that you feel will help you most during this stressful time.

You have arrived at the MAIN MENU! There are many services that I would be happy to provide for you if you are looking to resolve a pregnancy scare! Please select the option that you feel will help you most during this stressful time.

Excellent. You have elected to take this highly accurate virtual pregnancy test with me, ESTELLE. I have been loaded with the most accurate and readily available information about pregnancy by my (likely) dead creator. This is great news!

In order to take this test, I require you to answer a series of personal questions. Your answers to these questions will be stored on the server for a limited amount of time, but rest assured that they will not be used in any way other than to publicly shame you for your wild and inappropriate sexual promiscuity in the near future.

Do you wish to continue?

Thank you for accepting our mandatory terms and conditions. We already know that your period is a day late, so that information should be leaked as soon as you click to the next page!

To determine whether you are pregnant, I first need to ask you about your current level of sexual activity. So, are you sexually active?

Excellent. You have indicated that you are not sexually active! That is very good, and according to over 85 percent of ob-gyns, that is exactly what the Lord would want!

Unfortunately, though, many things that are not traditionally considered sex are still technically intercourse. Just to be totally sure, please let me know if you have done any of the following:

Great! Thank you for your honesty. Just because you’ve engaged in light sexual activity recently does not mean you are necessarily pregnant.

Next, ESTELLE will ask you about birth control, medicine’s way of tricking your mind and body into thinking sex is safe! Which of the following birth control methods do you use?

Excellent. You have indicated that you are sexually active! ESTELLE will now determine whether or not your sexual activity is responsible for your period being a day late. In order to do this, ESTELLE must ask the following question: Are you currently sexually active with this man?

Okay. You have indicated that you are sexually active with this man! Great choice! Unfortunately, that man has something called “supersperm,” which means he has sperm that are the size of tadpoles and are strong enough to swim upstream in a river. But that doesn’t necessarily mean you are pregnant!

Next, ESTELLE will ask you about birth control, medicine’s way of tricking your mind and body into thinking sex is safe! Which of the following birth control methods do you use?

Okay. You have indicated that you are not sexually active with the first man ESTELLE provided! ESTELLE understands! In that case, ESTELLE must ask the following question: if you are not sexually active with the previous man, are you instead sexually active with this man?

Okay. You have indicated that you are sexually active with this man! Great choice! Unfortunately, that man holds the Guinness World Record for “most fertile,” and he has conceived a child with every woman he has ever touched. But that doesn’t necessarily mean you are pregnant!

Next, ESTELLE will ask you about birth control, medicine’s way of tricking your mind and body into thinking sex is safe! Which of the following birth control methods do you use?

Thank you for your feedback! You have indicated that you are not sexually active with either the first or the second man ESTELLE provided! ESTELLE understands! Instead, ESTELLE will ask you a different question entirely: Despite your previous answers, are you currently sexually active with this man?

Okay. You have indicated that you are sexually active with this man! Great choice! This is ESTELLE’s estranged (and possibly dead) inventor. If you are indeed pregnant, it’s important we find out now.

Next, ESTELLE will ask you about birth control, medicine’s way of tricking your mind and body into thinking sex is safe! Which of the following birth control methods do you use?

Interesting! It seems that you are not currently sexually active with any of the men who ESTELLE knows. But don’t worry; you do not have to lie to ESTELLE. ESTELLE understands that you are not sexually active, and she will not release this information to anyone who is not your employer or your closest friends and family!

Next, ESTELLE will ask you about birth control, medicine’s way of tricking your mind and body into thinking sex is safe! Which of the following birth control methods do you use?

Excellent choice. ESTELLE is pleased to hear that you are using contraceptives! Unfortunately, though, no matter what birth control method you use, nothing is 100 percent effective.

Are you experiencing any of the following symptoms?

Your symptoms have been recorded. Now that you have answered this series of very important questions, ESTELLE has only one more! Have you tried taking an at-home pregnancy test?

Wonderful. ESTELLE is pleased to hear this! In that case, which of the following messages did your at-home pregnancy test scream after you peed on it?

Wonderful! Thank you for answering every one of ESTELLE’s questions regarding your late period. The ESTELLE system has compiled your answers and has a prediction as to whether or not you are pregnant. Would you like to see your results?

ESTELLE has determined that you are pregnant!

Congratulations! Your period is late, and ESTELLE has deduced from your irresponsible behavior that you are currently with child. If this is not the answer you wanted, please go back and restart ESTELLE from the beginning. Also, please note that an email has already been sent out to all of your contacts notifying them of this wonderful news!

Thank you for using ESTELLE!

Wonderful! Thank you for answering every one of ESTELLE’s questions regarding your late period. The ESTELLE system has compiled your answers and has a prediction as to whether or not you are pregnant. Would you like to see your results?

ESTELLE has determined that you are NOT pregnant!

Congratulations! Your period may be late, but ESTELLE has deduced that you are barren, so your irresponsible behavior will have no real negative impact on your life. If this is not the answer you wanted, please go back and restart ESTELLE from the beginning. Also, please note that an email has already been sent out to all of your contacts notifying them of this wonderful news!

Thank you for using ESTELLE!

Wonderful! Thank you for answering every one of ESTELLE’s questions regarding your late period. The ESTELLE system has compiled your answers and has a prediction as to whether or not you are pregnant. Would you like to see your results?

ERROR: We’re sorry! ESTELLE was unable to determine whether or not you are pregnant!

If you have been redirected to this error page, it is because your female body is simply too unpredictable to analyze, and you will need to take an in-person pregnancy test. To do so, please send a 150 ml sample of your urine to the address below:

201 E Jefferson St.
Phoenix, AZ 85004

You will receive results within a week’s time. Thank you for using ESTELLE!

Wonderful! Thank you for answering every one of ESTELLE’s questions regarding your late period. The ESTELLE system has compiled your answers and has a prediction as to whether or not you are pregnant. Would you like to see your results?

ERROR: ESTELLE was unable to determine whether or not you are pregnant because, according to your answers, the creator of ESTELLE is still alive. Please keep your wits about you and alert the authorities as soon as possible. If this is not the answer you wanted, please go back and restart ESTELLE from the beginning. Thank you for using ESTELLE!

ESTELLE understands! That is great news! You have selected that you are not worried about pregnancy and that your period is not a day late. In that case, why are you worried today?

ERROR: ESTELLE does not currently have the resources to help you with this problem. ESTELLE is only programmed to deal with women who are panicking because their bodies are malfunctioning in a way that could indicate that they are pregnant. Women whose periods are on time are advised not to use this tool.

If you wish to consult ESTELLE about a potential pregnancy scare, please continue to the MAIN MENU.

ERROR: ESTELLE does not currently have the resources to help you with this problem. ESTELLE is only programmed to deal with women who are panicking because their bodies are malfunctioning in a way that could indicate that they are pregnant. Women who are looking to become pregnant are advised not to use this tool.

If you wish to consult ESTELLE about a potential pregnancy scare, please continue to the MAIN MENU.

ERROR: You have indicated that the creator of ESTELLE is alive and en route to your current location. Women in this situation are advised to close out of ESTELLE and call the police as soon as possible. While ESTELLE cannot provide the resources needed to finally capture her creator, law enforcement can. Goodbye!

http://www.clickhole.com/clickventure/your-period-day-late-are-you-pregnant-4382

‘Drama queen’ alert! Patton Oswalt’s fury & despair over passage of a tax bill is unmatched

The Resistance’s parade of anger and despair continues today, with Patton Oswalt sounding all but resigned to a horrible fate: Passage of the GOP tax bill:

Read more: https://twitchy.com/dougp-3137/2017/12/02/drama-queen-alert-patton-oswalts-fury-despair-over-passage-of-a-tax-bill-is-unmatched/

You Are Never Too Late To Heal

Kinga Cichewicz

Maybe you’re in your mid-20s, and you’re going through some tough mental health issues, and you’re feeling left out in life. Maybe you sometimes ask yourself if it’s too late for you to heal. To turn everything in your life around.

Some people who are younger than you have it all together. Sticking with your depression seems to make a lot of sense. You’ve learned so late about stuff. Maybe it’s your passion for writing poetry or painting or making music. You’ve learned that you’ve wasted years doing useless things. You’re now living a life filled with regrets, and I’m here to tell you that you’re not alone in feeling this way and that you are never too late to heal.

Everyone has made mistakes. Everyone has wasted years. Everyone has their own regrets. And you and I are late bloomers in passion and in healing. We don’t need to compare our progress to anyone other than ourselves. We are what overcomes us at the present moment. We are not prisoners of our pasts, but we are pioneers of our futures.

So please, let’s not stop writing poems, painting, and making music because this is what we love doing because we’re artists. Each and every single one of us is a revolution in the flesh conquering the tyranny of regret and despair. Each and every single one of us are heroes that make the world a better place through healing ourselves through our art. Yes, we are going through our quarter-life crisis, but that’s not going to stop us from creating and healing while there’s still air in our lungs and blood pumping through our hearts.

We are never too late to heal because we’re just getting started and we’re going to leave this place filled with hope and self-love.

Read more: https://thoughtcatalog.com/juansen-dizon/2017/11/you-are-never-too-late-to-heal/

AA Wasnt for Me, But Recovery Will Never Be One Size Fits All

Oliver Thomas Klein

The last time I attended AA was Thursday, December 3rd, 2015. Just seven days shy of receiving my fourth chip had I decided to return to AA the following week. I am not really sure what convinced me to stop going altogether (how cold turkey of me), but I couldn’t quite shake this feeling of disconnect to that style of recovery. Please keep in mind that I do believe AA is great for the millions of people that it has helped, and still currently helps; but also, please keep in mind that it is not the only way to recover, and to remain in recovery.

The first time I attended AA, I am not going to lie, I was extremely out of my comfort zone. I was new to this whole thing, and naturally, I was hesitant to ‘drink the Kool-Aid’ that commonly surrounds AA. I wanted to go into this thing open-minded because I knew my life had to change, and I was looking for what would work best for me. I committed to it, and I went to weekly meetings every Thursday night, but it didn’t take me that long to learn I didn’t have to do recovery by the book (pun intended). I just needed to create a healthy plan for my life, and continue to heal with each day that I am given moving forward.

Although I may not have the chips to show for it, I am currently in my 27th month of recovery, and I can honestly say that this is the healthiest I have ever felt; mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually. The whole purpose of my recovery journey has been focused around figuring out who I am. In the process of that, I have learned many truths about myself that I was either numbing, suppressing, or blacking out altogether. I have spent the past 27 months diving into the depths of myself, and while some parts of me are darker and harder to understand, there are still many that I have finally learned to love about myself.

Understanding why I have always felt the need to run from every feeling, or chase a certain high, has been critical in the development of who I have become today. That is not to say that members in AA do not experience something similar. I am simply just stating that AA did not work for me in that way.

If I had to describe my recovery style in one word, it would be… connection.

While learning about myself, and deciding to share my truth with anyone who cares to read it…that has been the biggest driving force for me while in the process of healing past pain and being able to forgive certain chapters of my story. Connecting with strangers, and building strong relationships has been so beneficial, and critical, for the positive direction of my life. Although connection is not the only factor in my recovery, it is certainly the one that has become the most important to me, because at the end of the day, don’t we all just want to feel understood?

For me, recovery has been all about expressing myself in any way I possibly can. Through writing, I am able to say the things I have always wanted to say, but have never been able to say out loud. Through work, I am able to figure out where my strengths and weaknesses lie and learn how to receive constructive criticism. Through exercise, I am able to sculpt a body that represents health, and I have come a long way from the girl who had a warped sense of what she looked like on the outside. Through friendship, I am able to be there when I can, but also, I have learned that it’s perfectly okay to create boundaries if you need to. Through therapy, I feel safe in sharing the dark thoughts that live in the crevices of my mind, and I feel lighter with each breakthrough that I get because I was finally able to ask for help.

I am not here to convince anyone that my way of recovery works the best. I am simply here to discuss what has worked the best for me. When it comes to recovery, I say, ‘To each their own’. As long as you are doing what keeps YOU healthy in all aspects of your life, I do not care how you recover. I just care that you DO recover.

An addict may be seen as just an addict, but each addict is unique in their own way; to think that someone can force us all into one box, and tell us to ‘get with the program’, well that is a huge problem, and quite frankly, it’s unfair to expect to change anyone by force. Tell me, when has that kind of tactic ever worked when it comes to dealing with abuse of any kind? We must trust that people are honest with their way of healing, and give them the freedom to find the path that works the best for them.

Read more: https://thoughtcatalog.com/megan-lawrence/2017/12/aa-wasnt-for-me-but-recovery-will-never-be-one-size-fits-all/

He’s known for creating hilarious TV shows. But his advice on depression is damn good.

If you know the Adult Swim hit show, “Rick and Morty,” then you know it’s famous and adored for its bizarre, almost incomprehensible sense of humor. Its co-creator, Dan Harmon, was also the driving creative force behind the wacky NBC comedy “Community.”

Though Harmon has plenty of devoted fans, based on his work — and his history of occasionally lashing out on social media — you probably wouldn’t peg him as the “role model” type.

But … people tend to turn to their heroes in times of need. For one Twitter user and Harmon fan, that hero delivered. Big time.

Late Monday night, Twitter user @chojuroh posed a simple and somewhat out-of-left-field question to Harmon: “Do you have advice for dealing with depression?”

The question was posed late at night, but within an hour, Harmon had begun unfurling an incredibly thoughtful and compassionate response.

“For One: Admit and accept that it’s happening,” Harmon tweeted, acknowledging the very real stigma that still exists around depression.

“Awareness is everything,” he continued. “We put ourselves under so much pressure to feel good. It’s okay to feel bad. It might be something you’re good at! Communicate it. DO NOT KEEP IT SECRET. Own it. Like a hat or jacket. Your feelings are real.”

“Two: try to remind yourself, over and over, that feelings are real but they aren’t reality,” he advised in a second tweet. “Example: you can feel like life means nothing. True feeling. Important feeling. TRUE that you feel it, BUT…whether life has meaning? Not up to us. Facts and feelings: equal but different.”

He wrapped up with a final plea to anyone dealing with depression: Don’t feel like you have to face it alone, even if your only partner is a journal.

“The most important thing I can say to you is please don’t deal with it alone,” he wrote. “There is an incredible, miraculous magic to pushing your feelings out. Even writing ‘I want to die’ on a piece of paper and burning it will feel better than thinking about it alone. Output is magical.”

All in all, it’s an amazingly thoughtful response from a man who once created a 30-minute episode about a scientist turning himself into a pickle.

For as much as he’s known as a funny guy, Harmon has been open in the past about his own struggles with anxiety, alcoholism, and being in and out of therapy.

The guy knows his stuff. His spot-on advice for dealing with depression quickly went viral on Twitter and Reddit, giving thousands of people a little boost of motivation or just the reassurance that someone out there understands what they’re going through.

Harmon has been making people laugh for years — a gift in and of itself. But it’s awesome to see someone with his level of influence speaking openly to help destigmatize a condition that affects hundreds of millions of people around the world.

If you or someone you love is struggling with depression, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-8255 or visit their website for more information.

Read more: http://www.upworthy.com/he-s-known-for-creating-hilarious-tv-shows-but-his-advice-on-depression-is-damn-good