Arms brings the punch to the Nintendo Switch

Arms, a flagship Nintendo Switch title from the same folks who brought us Splatoon, is a fighting game only Nintendo could release. The object of the game, as in many fighting games, is to knock down your opponent. How you do it, obviously, is the trick.

In Arms your weapons are, well, your arms. There are 30 different arms for ten characters and the arms spring out and can twist towards enemies. The controls are interesting in that they take advantage of the Joy-Con wireless controllers, allowing you to punch in the air to hit your opponents. With the associated arms (or pigtails) you can created up to nine thousand different combinations to shock, freeze, burn, and maul your enemies. Gameplay is wildly simple and the entire package is quite bright and addictive. In short, it has everything that made Splatoon so fun and addictive.

The characters include Ribbon Girl who can multi-jump in mid-air while her twirling ribbon arms, Min Min and her spin kick, and characters like Master Mummy who regain health automatically.

When you start the game you have access to three arms. To get more arms, you must visit the Arm shooting gallery, a mini-game of skill and chance that you pay for using in-game currency. To gather more Arms you target and shoot floating prizes in the shooting gallery after unlocking access to the mini-game.

If the sheer number of combinations of arms doesnt compel you, there are also abilities to use and master. Arms is an easy game to play, but a hard game to master. You can hand the controller to a child our five-year-old loved it and theyd be able to play easily. The best thing about Arms is that there are no in-game purchases to tempt kids into dropping $19 for a new costume.

As in Splatoon, Arms features a wide and interesting variety of maps. Each map features a different theme and each one requires a different style of play. You can play in Grand Prix mode, a gauntlet to become the champion, or Versus mode, a way to hone your skills in games like Team Fight, V-Ball, Hoops, Skillshot, and 1-on-100.

Online play lets you join a group of up to 20 people and play a variety of all the different modes. You also have a chance to team up to fight a special boss with 2 other people. Even when you are not playing and waiting for other players to finish up their games, there is a warm-up zone to practice in, emotes, and a cool-looking lobby where you can wait for your next battle.

This is a Switch must-have and promises to create a beautiful and exciting new franchise for Nintendo. Games on the Switch are currently limited to a few star titles and you can safely and easily add Arms to this illustrious list.

Read more:

Nestle Targeted by Activist Third Point With $3.5 Billion Stake

Nestle SA is being targeted by activist investor Dan Loeb’s hedge fund Third Point, which has built a stake of more than $3.5 billion in the the world’s biggest food company.

Daniel Loeb

Photographer: Simon Dawson/Bloomberg

Loeb owns about 40 million shares and some options in the Vevey, Switzerland-based company, according to an investor letter released Sunday after Bloomberg first reported the activist stake. The fund intends to encourage management to “pursue change with a greater sense of urgency” by selling its stake in L’Oreal SA, increasing leverage for share buybacks and reviewing its portfolio, among other suggestions.

“Despite having arguably the best positioned portfolio in the consumer packaged goods industry, Nestle shares have significantly underperformed most of their US and European consumer staples,” Third Point wrote in the letter. “It is rare to find a business of Nestle’s quality with so many avenues for improvement.”

Nestle owns about 23.2 percent of cosmetics giant L’Oreal, according to data compiled by Bloomberg, a stake with a market value of about $27 billion. In addition to selling that holding, Third Point wants Nestle to scour its portfolio of more than 2,000 brands for possible sales and consider “accretive, bolt-on acquisitions in high growth and advantaged categories.” The firm also called on Nestle to set a formal operating margin target of 18 percent to 20 percent by 2020.

A representative for Nestle was unable to immediately comment.

European Targets

Third Point, better known for targeting U.S. and Japanese companies, has recently been drawn to European investment opportunities, according to the firm’s first-quarter investor letter.

“We are seeing more opportunities in Europe because of strong and improving economic data, a trend that will likely continue now that the French elections have passed without incident,” Third Point wrote in that April 27 letter.

The move comes as Nestle’s new Chief Executive Officer Mark Schneider aims to boost the company’s health strategy as well as focus on the businesses that are growing fastest, such as coffee and pet food. Food companies are under pressure to reduce costs after Kraft Heinz Co.’s unsuccessful bid for Unilever earlier this year showed that even the largest players could become targets.

Chocolate makers especially are grappling with weak U.S. consumption as Americans increasingly turn their backs on sugar. Nestle said this month it may sell its U.S. sweets unit, which includes brands such as Butterfinger and BabyRuth.

Consumer companies have been popular targets for activist shareholders because of their bloated expenses and lackluster growth. So far, activist investors have predominantly targeted U.S. companies, putting pressure on them to boost margins.

In 2015, billionaire hedge fund manager Bill Ackman amassed a $5.6 billion stake in snack giant Mondelez International Inc. and called for management to improve the company’s performance, leading to cost cuts. Procter & Gamble Co. has also attracted an activist: Nelson Peltz’s Trian Fund Management LP revealed a new stake in the consumer-products maker in February and has amassed a stake valued at about $3.3 billion, according to its latest regulatory filing.

Third Point

Third Point has targeted European companies before. Vitamin maker Royal DSM NV also attracted the activist, and went on to sell its majority stake in a basic plastics and resins unit to CVC Capital Partners after facing calls to break up. The hedge fund also said in April it had invested in UniCredit SpA, the second largest listed bank in Italy which has a significant presence in Germany and Austria, drawn by its low valuation and €13 billion rights issue in March.

Third Point also invested in German utility operator E.On, which spun off its generation assets into Uniper last year, arguing the remaining regulated grids and renewables business “is currently misunderstood by the market and attractively priced.”

Founded in 1995 by Loeb, Third Point in April said it took a stake in Honeywell International Inc. and called for the industrial manufacturer to spin off its aerospace business. The firm has also focused much of its recent activism in Japan, where investments have included Seven & i Holdings Co. and Sony Corp.

“Third Point intends to play a constructive role to encourage management to pursue change with a greater sense of urgency,” the firm wrote of Nestle in Sunday’s letter. “We have offered our views in productive conversations with management, which we expect will continue.”

    Read more:

    The Most Blasphemous Movie of the Year

    A man swims along a Northern Portugal river, using clean, precise strokes to harmoniously move through the water. He stops to watch the many different species of birds that live along this remote route, from hawks and vultures tomost important to himendangered black storks that are nesting nearby. We see what he sees through his binoculars, although later on, well also see what they seenamely, this ornithologist, named Fernando (Paul Hamy), looking small and alone from the birds aerial vantage points. On a riverbank, he tries to communicate with his boyfriend via cell phone, but reception is bad, and he manages to do little more than say that he loves him, and acknowledge that hes received the reminder to take his medication. Then he gets into his kayak, gets caught in rapids, and disappears.

    Such is the set-up for The Ornithologist, an equally pious and profane drama from Portuguese director Joo Pedro Rodrigues thatlike the filmmakers prior effort, 2013s The Last Time I Saw Macaois mesmerizing, baffling, and more or less impenetrable without some working knowledge of the material that inspired it. In this case, that would be the legend of Saint Anthony of Padua, a famed 13th century Catholic priest and Franciscan friar who, after crashing his boat on his way home from Morocco and washing up in Sicily, spent years teaching across the region, eventually settling in Padua and earning his reputation as the patron saint of lost things. Saint Anthony is central to Rodrigues import, given that the mans life holds the key to understanding at least some of its allegorical mysteries. Still, trying to make lucid heads or tails of this surreal odyssey is, I think, ultimately the wrong way to approach it.

    Rather, The Ornithologist is best experienced with an open mind and a willingness (if not eagerness) to get lost inside its strange, beguiling world. If its intro passages suggest a relatively clear-cut update of Saint Anthonys storyalbeit one filtered through the filmmakers own highly personal lensthe material soon takes a decidedly more bizarre turn. After Fernando vanishes, Rodrigues cuts to two female Chinese hikers, Lin (Chan Suan) and Fei (Han Wen), traipsing through the misty forest that surrounds the river. A few moments later, Lin speeds ahead, so she can jump out from behind a tree to scare Fei. She then discovers blood on her injured kneewhich Fei first licks off of Lins finger, and next sucks up, directly from the wound. Thats enough, Lin finally chides, and they proceed on.

    This incident unhinges the proceedings (to put it mildly), which soon reveal that Lin and Fei are lost. This forest never ends. St. Anthony has abandoned us, they lament. Yet their fortunes change when they discover a waterlogged, but still alive, Fernando. They nurse him back to health, feed him, and warm him with an ancient Chinese tea. Around a campfire, they have a conversation in which Lin and Fei express fear over the devilish spirits theyve heard the past three nights, and Fernando states that he doesnt believe in God. Shortly thereafter, the women retreat to their tent (Like good Christian girls, we sleep together), leaving Fernando to sleep outside.

    In the morning, he wakes up in just his underwear, his body hanging upright from a tree via ropes that are wrapped around his entire bodyincluding, in a particularly uncomfortable manner, his genitals.

    As you might imagine, Fernando isnt too thrilled with this state of affairs, and following a testy exchange with Lin and Fei (during which he calls them crazy bitches and sick sadists and spits on them), he frees himself under cover of night, hearingas he sneaks awaythe two giggling in their tent, Tomorrow well castrate him! Having escaped that terrible fate, he ventures back into the great forest, where he finds only more bewildering and frightening sights. First, its his broken kayak, stuck upright in the sand and decorated with balloons as if for use in some sort of strange ritual, and his emptied backpack and ID nearby, his eyes burned out of the latter. Later, in the dark, he spies men dressed in ornate masks and tasseled costumes running to and fro with torches, yelling about their power and capturing a wild hog that they apparently intend to sacrifice.

    Strand Releasing

    A scene from ‘The Ornithologist,’ directed by Joo Pedro Rodrigues.

    If that werent enough weirdness, he some time later encounters a deaf-mute goat shepherd (Xelo Cagiao). Introduced sucking from one of his animals teats, this stranger draws his name in the sand as Jesus and proceeds to have rolling-around-on-the-beach sex with Fernando. Its here that The Ornithologist most plainly comingles the personal and the spiritual in overtly blasphemous ways. Yet its clear that Rodrigues aim isnt to offend or titillate so much as to cast Fernandos rambling journeytoward escape, toward enlightenment, toward salvationin terms that symbolically relate to his own individual life. Be it an ensuing fight between Fernando and Jesus in which the former stabs the latter to death (in the side, la Christ), or a montage in which cascading water is layered on top of portraits of Fernando, Jesus, and a Christ statue, the film becomes dreamier and more free-flowing, proceeding forward with a haziness that would be off-putting if every stop along its path werent so rapturously conceivedcourtesy of an aesthetic attuned to the areas enveloping natural soundsand tantalizingly oblique.

    To be sure, The Ornithologist is a challenging work that doesnt provide easy answers and, in fact, requires that one accept that its highly sexualized enigmas (fingers entering and exiting bodily gashes; bodily transformations; topless female riflewomen on horseback, beating their chests and crying out in celebration) arent necessarily altogether decodable. There are certain things we shouldnt try to understand. They come to pass and we must believe in them, says Fernando toward storys end, and its a lesson Rodrigues demands we heed. Less a straightforward drama than a winding, haunting reverie about a lost outsider searching for acceptance and companionshipin terms of both the flesh and the spiritit glides along to the beat of its own strange drum, its strident string score evoking terror, and its unhurried visuals exuding trancelike beauty. Its a film about the universal desire for greater understanding (of ourselves, and the world around us) that itself is, in a sense, incomprehensible. Intrepid moviegoers would be wise to fall under its spell.

    Read more:

    China Bulls, Don Your Hard Hats

    China bulls watching Beijing's inquiry into bank loans made to some of the country's serial acquirers: grab your hard hats. Expect deals to be roiled and markets to be on shaky ground in the lead up to the 19th National Congress of the Communist Party around October.

    The China Banking Regulatory Commission has asked lenders to provide information on overseas advances made to HNA Group Co., Fosun International Ltd., Dalian Wanda Group Co. and Anbang Insurance Group Co. Those four have spent billions of dollars collecting trophy assets around the world, including Hollywood studio Legendary Entertainment LLC and New York's Waldorf Astoria hotel.

    Although they've become adept at tapping Western financing models, including leveraging the target, loans from Chinese banks remain vital to their health.

    Yet the timing of this information-gathering exercise is curious, coming just days after MSCI Inc. said it would allow mainland shares into its benchmark indexes.

    It could be a coincidence. But the that fact it also comes just months before President Xi Jinping marks the start of his second term means it probably isn't.

    Xi is due to replace some members of the Politburo Standing Committee, and high-profile billionaires whose empires have ballooned at the hands of Chinese state financiers are an issue he can do without. Anbang Chairman Wu Xiaohui, under the gun for his company's risky insurance-policy practices, has already been been detained by authorities, Caijing Magazine reported last week.

    There's probably more to this than alleviating concerns about systemic risks posed by China's big companies. Capital controls have put the brakes on offshore acquisitions, and Beijing's campaign to rein in debt and control the yuan's declines seem to be working. Foreign-exchange reserves climbed for a fourth month in May, the longest streak since June 2014.

    Investment bankers, still smarting from a coming-down-to-earth after last year's record M&A wave, now have to worry that deals they've helped come to fruition will actually close. It's been some months since Dalian Wanda's $1 billion acquisition of TV company Dick Clark Productions Inc. was called off.

    There's quite a list of pending transactions out there: HNA's $1 billion tilt at Singapore logistics firm CWT Ltd.; Fosun's 10 percent stake purchase of Russia's biggest gold producer Polyus PJSC; and Wanda's development of a mini-city near Battersea Power Station in London. While shares of Wanda Film Holding Co. and Fosun regained some ground Friday, volatility remains.

    What happens from here will depend to a large degree on the CBRC's assessment of the situation. Until October, however, the sidelines seem a safer bet for China bulls.

    This column does not necessarily reflect the opinion of Bloomberg LP and its owners.

      Read more:

      Ted Cruz got seriously shut down after trying to get into a Twitter group hug

      We could all use a hug sometimes, but nobody wants a hug from Sen. Ted Cruz.

      Actress Alyssa Milano is known to get pretty political on Twitter, so it’s surprising that Ted Cruz walked himself into this embarrassing situation, but then again, it’s Ted Cruz.

      Milano sent her 3.14 million followers a digital group hug on Tuesday, asking all to get in on the action. But when Cruz tried to get in on the action, things got weird.

      “We all need a hug!” Cruz tweeted to Milano on Thursday along with a super creepy winky face emoji, usually reserved for, you know, sex stuff.

      Sorry, Cruz, nobody wants to show you affection. Not even your blood relatives.

      While we’re sure Cruz does in fact need a hug after his embarrassing run for President, Milano officially uninvited Cruz from the group hug.

      Milano later followed up her dismissal with a suggestion for a more appropriate interaction for an active member of the US Senate.

      Naturally, Twitter was pretty pumped about the shut down.

      Remember: Ted Cruz is real bad at hugs. Remember that time he dropped out of the presidential race and swiftly elbowed his wife in the face?

      Maybe just stick to holding hands, Teddy.

      Read more:

      Senate Democrats Finally Switch Into Crisis Mode Over Trumpcare

      When the House of Representatives passed its version of the American Health Care Act in May, some House Democrats began to taunt their colleagues with Na-na na-na, na-na na-na, hey, hey, hey, goodbye! sarcastically thinking theyd be bidding Republicans adieu in 2018.

      But no one is singing a mocking tune now.

      Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell wants to get the AHCA, also known as Trumpcare, passed before the July 4 recess, and Senate Democrats finally seem to be feeling the urgency of progressive groups and activists, who have been issuing dire warnings for weeks. Many Republican senators have said they havent seen a text of the bill, though the vote is expected by next week, and there is a distinct possibility the bill could pass without any public hearings or debate.

      Last week, the Senate was operating normally, Ben Wikler, MoveOn.orgs Washington director, told The Daily Beast in a phone call Tuesday. MoveOn and a host of other progressive groups started sounding the alarm and urging Democrats to use the limited tools to gum up the works. To alert the public that Republicans are on the verge of ripping health care away from millions of people. This week has been a sea change.

      Wikler told The Daily Beast that the organization has been texting every member of MoveOn in states where Republican senators may vote against the AHCA, urging them to make their voices heard. Additionally, theyre recruiting for more than 100 local demonstrations and protests in these states in the coming days before a vote is set to be called, including a rally on Capitol Hill Wednesday morning featuring Democratic senators, patients, and families who would be affected by the legislation.

      The Republican senators whom MoveOn specifically said they were targeting included Dean Heller in Nevada, Susan Collins in Maine, Lisa Murkowski in Alaska, Shelly Moore Capito in West Virginia, Rob Portman in Ohio, and Jeff Flake in Arizona.

      You know the word is a lot of them are not ready to commit to vote for this bill, Wikler said.

      Indivisible, an anti-Trump organization created by former congressional staffers, has also joined the anti-AHCA fight, launching an online effort this week called Our Amendments.

      The process involves users submitting information for an amendment, relying on the Republican process of reconciliation, which they are using to get AHCA passed. It means that they only require 50 votes to pass the legislation. However, as Indivisible points out, they have to allow an unlimited number of amendments in this process. So the goal of the groups project is to have senators file as many amendments as they want, based on the submissions, and call them up for a vote on the Senate floor. Indivisible wants to see this process go on until Republicans agree to hold public hearings on the AHCA, which they have yet to do.

      This can delay that vote, Indivisibles policy director, Angel Padilla, said in an interview with The Daily Beast. We totally recognized that Mitch McConnell can totally change the rules again and get around this. But as Padilla put it, This is another way of dramatizing that this has been all in secret.

      Senate Democrats seemed finally to heed the call of activist organizations this week and began similarly to dramatize the issue, which has gone somewhat unnoticed in major national newspapers amid the constant drama at the White House.

      On Monday night, Senate Democrats took to the floor to hold a series of impassioned speeches protesting the legislation. And on Tuesday, Sens. Cory Booker, Brian Schatz, and Chris Murphy livestreamed a trip to the Congressional Budget Office to request a copy of the bill. They were not successful.

      But while these efforts have, at the very least, drawn attention back to the health-care debate, some activist organizations are concerned that the momentum may falter.

      Thats not good enough, Murshed Zaheed, political director of CREDO, a social-change network with some 5 million members, told The Daily Beast. A one-night stand is not going to cut it when you have the lives of 20 million Americans at stake.

      Zaheed told The Daily Beast that CREDO had made more than 30,000 calls to Congress over the last few weeks and more than 2,000 on Tuesday alone. They are not only calling D.C. offices for moderate Republicans they hope will vote no on the AHCA, but also their local state offices.

      We are targeting these Republican senators with a special call tool, Zaheed said. The way we are setting it up is they are rolling dials. If they get the office of [Jeff] Flake in D.C. but if for some reason that line is busy, it turns them to another office.

      The staffers of these offices are feeling the heat, he added.

      McConnell said on Tuesday that Republicans would see a discussion draft of the legislation Thursday and that it will move to the floor next week following a CBO analysis.

      The speed and secrecy with which the process is moving has forced activist groups to devise plans for the next two weeks to keep momentum going.

      Padilla provided The Daily Beast with a list of at least 35 events taking place nationwide this week and into next week, including sit-ins at state congressional offices.

      Its clear that were in an emergency situation, he said.

      And theres simply no time for any of these organizations to let up in the coming days.

      Full red alert mode, Wikler said.

      They just hope Democrats on the Hill and the media can keep up.

      Read more:

      Here’s what you need to know about that study suggesting french fries increase your risk of death

      At least you still have Bloody Marys.
      Image: Facebook

      Alright, french fry lovers, you might have heard that apparently, the amount of times per week you eat fried potatoes could increase your risk of death.

      According to a study published in the American Journal of Clinical Nutrition, people who eat fried potatoes two or more times a week were at an increased risk of mortality.

      But the results of this one study aren’t as scary or dire as they sound.

      The 4,400 members of the study (aged 45 to 79) were divided into groups based on how often they ate fried potatoes per week. The study ran over the course of eight years and during that time, 236 of the participants died. Researchers helmed by lead author Nicola Veronese determined, “those who ate fried potatoes two to three times per week were twice as likely to die early compared to those who didn’t eat fried potatoes.”

      However, noted nutrition, food studies and public health professor at New York University Marion Nestle says you don’t need to bemoan your last Sunday Funday fry-fest just yet.

      She tells the Chicago Tribune, “”First, this is an association […] Fried potatoes are associated with somewhat higher mortality, but this does not mean that they cause death. People who eat a lot of fried potatoes might have other unhealthy lifestyle practices […]Second, the association is not strictly dose-related. At lower levels of intake, the association is not statistically significant.”

      Adding to the good news, eating unfried potatoes didn’t impact health negatively and Time says, “more research with larger groups of people is needed to investigate the link before saying that overeating fries causes an increased risk of death.”

      You mean fried potatoes aren’t a health food? This isn’t exactly groundbreaking news. Everything in moderation, after all. But that didn’t stop people from having a field day about the new info on social media.

      Read more:

      Beyonc And Newborn Twins Reportedly Still In The Hospital Dealing With A ‘Minor Issue’

      As we’ve been reporting,

      Doctors are dealing with what is reportedly being termed a “minor issue” with the twins’ health, though it’s unclear exactly what that means.

      Beyonc, too, is reportedly still in the hospital, but there are no indications she’s anything but fine — and the babies, too, are reportedly expected to be just fine.

      It just sounds like doctors don’t yet feel comfortable releasing them to go home — though from what it sounds like, that should happen soon enough and this will all be behind the newly-growing family.

      Best wishes to all!

      Get ’em well soon, doctors!

      [Image via WENN.]

      Read more:

      Adults are safer eating children than laundry pods, NBC News seems to report

      Sure, we know what NBC News Health meant to say, but the fact that we along with just about everyone else did a double-take suggests it’s not our fault.

      Read more:

      10 Types Of Pregnant Women That Suck

      1. The I Lovvvvvve Being Pregnant Mom To Be

      OMG kill me now. First of all, we dont believe you. Second of all, we dont believe you. Third of all, if you have convinced yourself that youre obligated to enjoy every single second of pregnancy because its a miracle youre blessed to be experiencing or something, no one else needs to knowexcept maybe your significant other, your best friend (who will happily corroborate whatever charade you need them to since thats what besties do), and your parents. Please stop proclaiming your love of pregnancy to the rest of the world, particularly to those of us who arent relishing every bloated, skin-stretching, exhausting minute of it.

      2. The TMI Pregnant Lady Who Just. Wont. STFU.

      She doesnt hold backat all. If her breasts are particularly swollen and sore one morning, you know about it. If her vaginas excreting more goo than usual, you know about it. If sex with her significant other is suddenly strange because her bump is so big that getting into a comfortable position proves difficult, you know about it. Theres no pregnancy related problem or symptom thats off the table in day-to-day conversation. It doesnt matter if youre a friend or the cashier at Trader Joes. It doesnt matter how much you care about what pregnancy is actually like. And it certainly doesnt matter if youd really rather know about how her nipples are slowly changing from a blush pink tone to a deeper redish hue. She will share whatever she wants with you, without an ounce of shame.

      3. The Micro Milestone Obsessed Mommy In The Making

      Shes a walking checklist of her babys latest accomplishments and the kid isnt even breathing yet. As her developing fetus goes from plum to peach to key lime in size, she takes pride in every millimeter of growth, marveling at the miraculous process taking place inside her womb. With every little change in her own body, she feels additionally satisfied. She doesnt just mark the major milestones like learning the babys sex and feeling the first kick. Week to week, theres a new reason to be over-the-moon exuberant and to snap yet another “belfie”! The day she can no longer see her feet thanks to her protruding belly becomes a noteworthy occasion. So does the day her belly button officially goes from innie to outie. And any moment she slips and says something silly becausewhoopspregnancy brain!!!

      4. The Sanctimonious, Totally Sober Mom To Be

      So youve decided to abstain from alcohol altogether for the 40 weeks youll spend building a little life, plus the months youll spend breastfeeding said tiny creature. Go you! Your body, your choice! But lets not pretend that the pregnant woman nursing an occasional glass of wine is any less well-equipped to parent or any less invested in her baby’s longterm health and happiness. According to the most recent studies, enjoying some wine here and there wont do any damage to a pregnant woman’s developing fetus. If you cant bring yourself to comprehend why a pregnant lady might choose to relax by imbibing a reasonable amount of vino, keep it to yourself. The chill girl enjoying her booze has read all of the same articles you have and arrived at a different conclusion. Respect her.

      5. The Sanctimonious Caffeine-Free Mom To Be

      The CDC currently recommends that women whore knocked up limit their caffeine intake to 200mg per day. Thats probably a conservative estimate, but for caffeine-phobes the most sensible route is to deprive oneself of coffee and tea altogether when you’re with child. They’re either THAT dedicated to being pregnant, or THAT comfortable with droopy eyes. So be it. If you’re one of these types, that’s your prerogative. Just don’t waste your energy disparaging the woman you pass on the street with a bump, a smile, and a grande latte in hand. After all, not judging for being so tediously ascetic.

      6. The Way Over Prepared Momster In The Making

      Shes the Tracy Flick of pregnancy and you kind of want to strangle her for being such an overachiever. (Shes also the first person you reach out to with bump related questions, but that’s beside the point). An avid mommy forum participant, her birth plan is five pages long, singled-spaced, and shes read up on literally every possible thing that could go wrong while pregnant or caring for a newborn. Shes a walking dictionary of terms like SIDS, colostrum, preeclampsia, and doula. Shes consulted at least five lactation experts and enrolled in at least three birth classes. And its not enough for her to collect all of this information for her own purposes. She can’t help but share every single bit of intel she acquiresthrough mommy forum mining and non-stop Googlingwith all of her pregnant peers. Shes even set up an exclusive group chat to disseminate her favorite fun facts and cautionary tales.

      7. The Epidural Shamer

      Blah. Blah. Blah. If youd rather skip the epidural so you can later regale people with stories of your strength and valor, youre entitled. But if a lady would rather go with the drug flow to avoid unnecessary pain, please allow her this freedom. Sure, women were birthing babies for thousands of years without the help of pain-alleviating pharmaceuticals. Know what else they were doing? Living under miserable circumstances by modern standards, contracting gross diseases, and dying way young.

      8. The Breast Is Best Enthusiast

      If only the word formula rhymed more easily, I think wed have a fairer fight between boob food enthusiasts and their formula dedicated counterparts. Unfortunately, theres no musical catchphrase for those who, for whatever reason (which is their business and theirs alone), choose to skip breastfeeding altogether. Yes, the antibody rich breast milk your body produces all on its own is awesome. But its not the only option. Dont fool yourself into thinking that youre a better person or parent for letting an infant suckle on your nipples for however many months.

      9. The Water Birthing Whacko

      So you want to give birth in a tub! We get it. The babys been swimming in amniotic fluid for nine straight months, so a warm water gateway seems like the gentlest way to introduce your new little human friend to the art of breathing air. Thats all well and good. Just dont demean the rest of us who would rather stick with the tried-and-true hospital gown and bed scenario. Were not all the aquatic type, you know.

      10. The Been-There-Done-That Pregspert

      She’s a mom already, and she’ll remind you of that every opportunity she gets. She knows what she’s doing when it comes to breathing, kegels, birthing, and everything in between. She barely has to Google anything! Plus, her body’s already accustomed to all of the hormonal swings and the stretching. She’s probably even gaining less weight this time around because she’s being so smart about everything. Tap her for wisdomjust don’t let the bitch’s smug ‘tude bug you.

      Read more: